When conflict emerges
Scripture: Genesis 13:1-18
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Take It Further: Resignation By Kim Cameron
I write to you, my dear friend, not out of anger or frustration, but respect. You have been by my side for years. You have been my identity, my badge of honor, my scapegoat, and also my greatest hurdle to true freedom in Christ. I thought you were necessary for my spiritual walk and I have wrestled with you since early childhood. The shame I felt every time I had to admit you escaped me, was overwhelming. I have had to learn the same lesson at least a dozen times during this life and the last time, well, it was almost the death of me. Every time I fail I isolate, because I have to admit that once again I am not perfect. Each new lesson comes with greater shame. Mistakenly, I kept thinking that with each lesson, I was getting closer to perfection. With humility, I could now be perfect. I equated a relationship with God as perfection, so I thought that by having to learn the same lesson, maybe my relationship was false. However, with this last conflict, I recognized I will probably have to repeat the lesson a few more times in this lifetime, because it is something that was engrained in me early on and no matter the lessons you are a hard one to leave behind. These lessons and my struggles with you, I believe,, have been used by God. My failures have been my path to my Savior and without them I never will fully understand God’s true nature. My Lord is slowly teaching me, through you, that I don’t need to be perfect to be loved. He is not seeking my perfection, doesn’t need me to be perfect. He just needs me to keep committing to him and recognize that there is no shame in the “returning” to him.
So I am sure we will wrestle again, probably when I least expect it, but for now I must say goodbye. I have to leave you and must resign to the fact that not only have I never been perfect, I never will be perfect and that is perfectly okay.
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